Former governor Sarah Palin insisted today that the 35,000 Walruses who have migrated to Alaska amidst falling ice levels have come for the state’s right to work law.
Hasselbeck concluded the segment by urging viewers to take up arms against Pancho Villa.
“Where did I go wrong?”
“God is great,” Lewis concluded, wiping tears from his eyes.
“The National Football League is all about second chances, right?”
“First goes around Congress to retrieve a deserter, and now he honors one of Lincoln’s jackbooted storm troopers. Is our commander-in-chief a fool, a traitor, or both?”
“If these trends continue, America might find itself at ‘Off the Wall’ levels of racial harmony by the end of the decade.”
“Hell, Pakistan is supposedly one of our friends, and I spend half my time ordering drone strikes on their soil. So I’m done picking favorites. Let the marketplace decide. Republicans should love that line, by the by.”