News Makeup
Today's Headlines
Robertson: “Carson More Qualified Than Obama Because He’s A Real Black Worker, Not A Mulatto Lazy One”
Illinois School Bans Bible From English Studies Because “It Contains Sex, Murder, Suicide And Homoeroticism”
Conway: “Trump Plans To Sue Hillary For Bringing Dirt Into The Election”
Eric Trump: “My Father Will Accept The Election Results 100% If He Doesn’t Lose To A Woman”
read moreJudge Jeanine Calls President-Elect To “Send Michelle Back To Kenya Since She’s Lost All Hope Here”
Outgoing First Lady Michelle Obama’s comment that Americans have lost hope following the election of Donald Trump got under the skin of Fox News’ Judge Jeanine Pirro who went off on a rant about Benghazi and Muslim beheadings, before bizarrely stating, “America rejected you.” Jeanine said, “Michelle, you may not [...]
read moreTrump Promises To Hold ‘Thank You’ Rally Outside FBI Headquarters And Russian Embassy In D.C.
President-elect Donald Trump will hold his last “Thank You” tour rally of 2016 in Mobile, Alabama at the Ladd-Peebles Stadium. The rally is expected to begin at 4PM ET. During the campaign, Trump held a rally at the same location that drew an estimated 30,000 gawkers. While this is the [...]
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Judge Jeanine Calls President-Elect To “Send Michelle Back To Kenya Since She’s Lost All Hope Here”
Outgoing First Lady Michelle Obama’s comment that Americans have lost hope following the election of Donald Trump got under the skin of Fox News’ Judge Jeanine Pirro who went off on a rant about Benghazi and Muslim beheadings, before bizarrely stating, “America rejected you.” Jeanine said, “Michelle, you may not [...]
read moreBill O’Reilly: “Companies Under Trump Must Say ‘Merry Christmas’ Or Will Be Forced To “Send Employees To Religious Classes”
“Either companies teach their off-the-books immigrant workers to pronounce the words ‘Merry Christmas’ when they see a white American person walking into their store, or Uncle Sam is going to do it for them”
read moreFiorina Compares Trump To Shaquille O’Neal: “Impossible To Hate Him Because He Beat The Black Mamba”
After calling on Donald Trump to drop out during the brutal presidential race, former GOP candidate Carly Fiorina sung the president-elect’s praises during a meeting at Trump Tower on Monday. Fiorina is reportedly being considered for the role of director of national intelligence. “It was an honor to meet the [...]
read moreRep. Love: “Nobody’s Perfect; Everybody Gropes A Woman Or Two At Some Point In Their Life”
Rep. Mia Love (R-UT) isn’t bothered by Donald Trump taking to Twitter to attack American citizens. When CNN host Jake Tapper asked Love if she’d seen the tweets that the president-elect has sent out over the last week, Love looked like a deer in headlights. “I can’t imagine the kind [...]
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Politics
Arpaio Reveals 5yo Birther Investigation Results: “Since McCain Is Too Old, Sarah Palin Is Our Legitimate President”
“Who else did you expect us to call, Hillary Clinton? The woman lost miserably to Obama back then, and to Donald Trump again this November. She doesn’t seem to want to except the huge ‘NO’ Americans keep throwing in her face”
U.S.
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Arpaio Reveals 5yo Birther Investigation Results: “Since McCain Is Too Old, Sarah Palin Is Our Legitimate President”
“Who else did you expect us to call, Hillary Clinton? The woman lost miserably to Obama back then, and to Donald Trump again this November. She doesn’t seem to want to except the huge ‘NO’ Americans keep throwing in her face”
Media
Heather Nauert: “Midget DeVito Thinks That We’re All Racist Because He’s Scared Of Big, Black Men”
“He is clearly delusional. The air down there must be very thin, causing him to not think clearly”
Entertainment
Trump: “The Only Way To Have World Peace Is For Every Country To Have A Nuclear Weapon”>
“I also believe that would be a great way to get rid of some of the more antiquated nuclear weaponry our country has been having trouble maintaining”
Sports
Adam Silver: “White Men Can’t What?!”
“Well, maybe white people can’t jump, but Jews can sure dunk”
World
Coulter: “Syrian Survivor Boy Is Liberal Propaganda Aimed At Bringing All Of Them Here”
In a recent interview with TheTimesWeekly.com, conservative author Ann Coulter complained about constant “liberal propaganda”: “We’re bombarded with liberal propaganda 24/7, from the early morning [...]
New York
Rudi Giuliani: “For Obama, America Is The Same As Michelle – No Love, But No Other Option”
I can think of 6,999,999,999 people on this planet who could do a better job as President
Washington DC
Ted Cruz: “Atheist Taliban Are A Greater Threat Than ISIS”
“compared to some of the other threats America is constantly faced with, this is one that is beginning to worry me the most.”
#NoNeedtoSatirize
Carl Kerby: “Dinosaurs Were In Noah’s Ark, He Took The Babies”
“I would suggest to you they didn’t take the big old dinosaur – they would have taken the younger ones”